Grace

Emotions: Recognising, Acknowledging, and Releasing

A lot has happened in the past year. It seems like I'm on a beautiful healing journey. When I say beautiful, I don't mean everything around me is filled with flowers, butterflies, and fairies, even though it might seem that way. There are those aspects, of course, but there's also the other side. There's a lot of sadness, tears, anger, and all sorts of emotions that have accumulated over the years and that I have hidden and suppresed so very well. 

All of that residue and those emotions have been with me over the years, but I've only started recognising, acknowledging, understanding, embracing and releasing them in the last year.

One of the strongest emotions I've felt is sadness for being a terrible sister to my own sister, Antonia. And to expand on my other wonderful soul-sister, whom we've mentioned here before—Florence, one of her beautiful and dear songs is "Grace."

Sound Apology

It's a song Florence wrote to her sister, Grace. Every time I listen to it, I think of Antonia, and my entire being apologises to her for the period of time when I was terrible and not being there for her at all. 

Back when I didn't know any better. 
When I wasn't there to help her with her beloved dog, who was her heart and best friend. 
When I didn't care for her dreams as she cared for mine. 
When I didn't recognise her talents and her passion for dance. 
When I didn't understand how important dance was to her. 
When I didn't understand her soul's mission, which is to show us new perspectives and ways of expressing. 
When I didn't realise we were talking about the same things in different languages. 
When I judged all her choices and decisions and felt entitled to even do so. 
When I was so ashamed of femininity that I couldn't bear to watch her dance beautifully. It all seemed vulgar to me and I wasn't capable of seeing the beauty in many dimensions that my own sister not only possessed, but represented and lived right in front of my eyes.

To me, she's ahead of time. Definitely ahead of my time because it took me so many years to process all the topics Antonia embodied and brought with her in this timeline. Topics like choice, expression of self, art, authenticity, courage, femininity, and love.

For a long time, it was all too overwhelming for me as she triggered so much in me. And in return, the best I could offer to her - was my worst. I wasn't there for her, and I shut myself down.

Grace & Patience

"Grace" means mercy and elegance of movement. What a "coincidence.” And what a paradox. As if she new that all of her choices I could not stand before, would become my greatest source of inspiration and would elegantly and patiently move me towards my healing journey.

Today I feel humbled and honoured for her patience with me and to have had a privilege to witness all of her choices for over 30 years.

I'm sure you have similar examples in your life. Do you see them? Do you acknowledge them?

Antonia is my Grace.
And I don't say it enough,
You are so loved.
Grace